BEAUTIFUL GOODBYE

Love and breakup came too fast.

Yes, we broke up. We broke up in chat. I tried to work it out but the past few days had been really tough. We fought when we had a date last time in the park. Of course, I noticed that there was something wrong and it was made more intense when he told me that it was unfair that I couldn’t tell him about my past relationship. Before, he said that he would wait until I am ready but he was so impatient then he was not looking at me, and said something really hurtful. I walked out crying but I didn’t want to end it that way. I wanted to grab every chance from that relationship.  With all the strength I had, I walked back to him and let him explain. The explanation was even unworthy but I accepted it since I was committed to him. However, he was pissed and I ended up as the one consoling him.

Little did I know that during that time, he told his parents about our relationship.  They were angry at him and disappointed. They wanted him to marry an Egyptian with the same religion as theirs. That’s why he displaced his anger to me at that point. So in chat, I asked him if he would follow them and he said that he is with me but he can’t promise me marriage. He won’t even fight for me. What’s the sense of having a relationship with someone if you do not intend to marry her? Then he said that he wanted to focus on his career and family and I deserve someone better.  Seriously, same statement just like my ex? I really wanted to make our relationship work but he was more afraid than I am.  We both are, I gues.

I was also to blame. I entered a relationship which I was not ready.  I tried convincing myself that what I felt for him. I was comfortable with him but it’s the comfortability of having someone by your side not having someone you love by your side.  I apologized to him several times about this and I know my apologies were rejected as seen by his post in facebook.

From the very beginning, it was not supposed to last. I am looking for a long relationship that ends in marriage, that ends with a happy family.

For now, I am dealing with the monsters in my head alone. I am still glad since being alone will give me more time to focus on myself and to be away from those who can hurt me again especially that my heart is not yet capable of more pain.

For Robert, I WISH that what he feels for Amaya is genuine love and respect and I hope that the girl feels the same. They are both moving on, too from their past relationships but maybe they can heal each other in the process. I won’t lie when he said that he moved on but this is the truth that I must accept. We are not getting back together AGAIN.  His words still affect me until today. I hate it. But what to do? The sincere souls feel more.