On my 24th
birthday, my Grade 11 students surprised me with two little cute bunnies but after
two months, Maine died. Alden did not mind at all. So did I.
Alden lives a sedentary
life. He eats cabbage, camote tops and rabbit feeds five times a day and sleeps
in-between meals. He does not make sounds nor possess a profound role in my
oh-so-boring existence. If he dies, it’s fine. If he lives for another year,
who cares?
I don’t know when it
started but I do question if I am living a meaningful life. I fight with constant
boredom and make impulsive decisions to alleviate my misery. I took up vocational
courses and selected another line of specialization for my graduate studies. I
spend my time on things that are not related with my profession like learning how
to play musical instruments, paint, apply makeup, sing , among others. I hide behind the shadows of solo travels. I don’t
save money at all; you can look at my bank account. Now look at my closet and tummy. Compare. It is a constant combat of choosing between things
that excite me but don’t last or things that bore me but last.
For the past few years,
I chose the former. I am always on the go - trying new things , living my life to the
fullest. But now, I feel like I am slowly breathing out energy and worse, life.
I am exhausted of running away. Why am I running away when in the first place,
I haven’t moved a single step? I can never escape from myself. I am a prisoner
of my own judgment. I am a slave of growing demands.
I will unfold a new
chapter. I will be like the rabbit that eats five times a day and sleeps in-
between meals. I won’t make sounds and complaints. If I die, it’s fine. If I live for another
year, who cares?
Hello sedentary life.
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