WHAT IT FEELS LIKE TO BE IN THE MID-20’S

After college graduation, I promised myself that before I turn 25, I have to cross out these on my bucket list.

1.  To land on my dream job

2. To find someone worthy of loving    

3. To be proud of myself

One month from now, I’ll be turning 25 and I haven’t checked any of these. And I’m telling you, it’s frustrating especially if you just watched a movie about a woman who has failed her family and friends countless times. It’s wearisome because our dreams could not unfold at the right time for we are restricted by our kin obligation, present career duties  financial setbacks , and at most times, we are impeded by too many stopovers like random dates (unproductive), emotional imbalance and of course, the inexhaustible narcotic effects of social media.

So how does it feel to be at this age?

It’s like riding on a roller coaster. Sometimes, we just wished that we’re still studying so that we’ll be liberated from bills, taxes, groceries, meager salary among others. Sometimes, life is fun because you chose to enjoy it, but then, some people won’t just let you. They will always find faults in you and push you to a realm of nowhere; you experience a total blackout of confidence and worth until you retreat and slowly lose yourself.

Sometimes, we feel unaccomplished and useless. We have medals and trophies, a stable job, traveled a lot, made new friends, found new hobbies, improved our skills, earned certificates, touched lives BUT  why can’ these ACCOMPLISHMENTS pacify and satisfy our soul?  Why are they not enough to boost our being?   What have we missed? We question a lot but answers are left untold. And in this moment, we find ourselves running away. Where to? Beach. Bar. Heaven.Hell.

At this age, we still have crises about our identity, our profession and about being stuck in a situation we do not love. We struggle everyday to wake up and serve the people.  We want more out from life but we’re too weak to go for it. We’re sick of where we are but we are too frightful to start all over again. How can we take a risk if it will only hurt the people we love?  

We grieve about loss, pain and heartaches. We still cuddle the scars of yesterday. We do not let go. We are addicted to a certain kind of misery. We are tired of investing too much love and care without returns. We are sick of being played when all we do is to sincerely give.  But despite all of these, we show a gallery of fake smiles and staged cheerfulness. We still tell lies that we’re okay because that’s what adults do, that’s what grown ups should become.