SECS for 2017

Three hours before 2017.

Here are the best moments in no particular order:

WORK-RELATED/ PROFESSIONAL GROWTH

• -          Passed the comprehensive examination in graduate school
• -          Enrolled for thesis writing
• -          Coached INCAT Debate team
• -          Endured 18-day training in La Union and 4-day training in Vigan
• -          Promoted from Teacher 1 to Teacher III (did not expect this at all)
• -          Became a division-based SHS teacher ( I’m still stationed at INCAT tho)
• -          Experienced demo teaching in front of brilliant and awesome teachers of Region 1
• -          Adviser of Ms SHS (INCAT 108^th Foundation DayAnniversary)
• -          Danced Ballroom 3x and ‘80s themed Teacher’s Day Program
• -          Got my Food and Beverage Services NC II

HAPPINESS PILLS etc.

• -          Bought and Read  30+ novels from various genres
• -          Revamped my blog (from melodramatic sharings to professional, travel-oriented)

-          ADVENTURES

1. Avis falls, Burgos

2. Abang falls, Bangui

3. Ar-ar-o , Dumalneg

4. Karingking Falls, Solsona

5. Ubas Farm, Bauang La Union

6. Thunderbird Resort, La Union

7. Cagayan (Tuguegarao, Allacapan, Alcala, Sta. Teresita)

8. Callao Cave, Cagayan etc. (I forgot the rest of the places we visited.)

9. Sabang Island, Cabugao

10. Uguis, Nueva Era

11. Sexy Beach, Pasuquin

12. La Virgen Milagrosa , Badoc (for the nth time)

13. Rogate Oasis

14. Cabulalaan, Bacarra

15. Villa Escudero, Quezon

16. People’s park in the Sky , Tagaytay

17. Saud Beach, Pagudpud (for the nth time)

18. Pangil Beach Resort, Currimao

19. Adams (BEST TRIP EVER! Anyway, I haven’t written any blog post for this trip. Haha)

20. Anuplig Falls, Adams

21. Night Life in Vigan

22. Tree-planting in Sapat , Pasuquin

• -          Did boxing
• -          Changed my hairstyle multiple times
• -          Rode in Viking and Ferris Wheel at Laoag carnival (not my first time tho)
• -          Had beer sessions  
• -          Dined in almost all restaurants and eateries in Laoag  (best way to shrink your wallet
• -          Painted on different canvases
• -          Bought too many bags, shoes, dresses, accessories etc.
• -          Fun run
• -          Photography (Bought new phone and an action camera)
• -          Experienced wearing bikini
• -          Played ukulele, organ and guitar (not that good tho esp in singing )
• -          Watched many sunrises and sunsets by the beach

SOCIAL –EMOTIONAL  -SPIRITUAL CIRCLES

• -          was surprised by my advisory class during Teacher’s day (best teacher’s day ever)
• -          Reconnected with my elementary, high school, college and MAED classmates
• -          Bade farewell to one of my trusted friends, Rona (she’s in UAE now)
• -          Made new friends with my co-teachers of SHS
• -          Had close relationship with almost all my students and they are really fun to be with (This has to be the best school year throughout my teaching career)
• -          Met my relatives in Cagayan whom I haven’t seen for more than 10 years
• -          Sick every month due to flu, lactose intolerance  etc.
• -          Became more religious but at the second half of 2016 , I lost interest until I became so sick last December 5 that everything changed (Read my latest blog – Walking by Faith)
• -          Found a new church (UCOM)
• -          Liked a guy from Canada but it did not work out
• -          I like someone but I guess, he doesn’t feel the same. I really like him. I really do.

                In summary, 2016 is better than the previous one. It’s not all happiness because in between, I had my own dose of sadness brought by expecting too much from life, from other people, from myself. However, there are fewer heartaches, fewer conflicts, fewer stupidities because of that love. What really caught me were the surge of adrenaline-rush all trips I took with my friends, waterfall of heartfelt and sincere moments with my students, eating festivals with my family and so on. But you know the greatest lesson I’ve learned? Never expect too much. Just enjoy the moment. Look at my list – the entries for Happiness Pills go on and on. Haha.  Don’t invest your heart to someone who sees you as the last priority. Learn to wait for that love. Everything will reveal itself in the right time, in God’s perfect plan.

               I don’t have goals this time but I really want to accomplish my bucket list which expires on summer , graduate from my master’s, go abroad and live the life I’ve been dreaming. 2017, bring it on!

                So what’s in store for 2017?  SECS.

                Whatever it is, Sophisticated, Elegant, Classy, Sexy Katrina is ready!

                

Walking by faith

This year started with a hike in Burgos.   What followed were endless spontaneous trips to some of Region 1 and 2’s tourist spots, alone or accompanied, regardless of weather conditions and financial constraints.  However, the so-called taste of exploration and freedom has rotten and spoiled my faith.

Let me give you a short background. My father, sister , brother and I are all Catholics while my mother is Jehovah’s witness. At a young age, I’ve been exposed to both religions and it was pretty confusing since they have different practices. I attended both churches, did the sign of the cross (or not), kneeled infront of idols (or not), recited during a homily (or not), wore dresses (or not), ate both round and rectangular body of Christ and whatnot.    When I was in grade 6, I confessed my sins and became a full fledged Catholic. But when I was in secondary, we seldom attended the masses as a family until we forgot all about it and as a regular teenager, it was fine because my life revolved on books, phone, fashion, crush and friends. As for my sister, she's an active leader in YFC before and now, she's part of SFC or Singles for Christ.

Fast forward. November 2016.

“I am sick, again.”
Since the start of this year, I always have one or more absences a month. I rarely acquire disease, however this year’s extremely unusual because I have frequent headaches, breathing difficulties, chest pains and flu. But last November , I got pneumonia that had significantly reduced my meager salary. So, I had been suffering from flu for almost two weeks and if you know me very well, I don’t like taking medications until I had no choice but to stay in bed and be absent for five days in school. Anyway, I’m a teacher of Senior High School.

On my fifth day, I stuck a pill on my throat. It was uncomfortable and excruciating so I decided to use nebulizer since the air goes through your esophagus, the pill might dislodge. After 10 minutes, I was shaking uncontrollably and since nobody was home, I couldn’t get any help so I just lied on my bed and trembled until fear consumed me.

“I am dying.”
For the first time, I was afraid of death. I reminisced all –days that I was so excited on Sundays because it means date with God and days that were attributed to praying and reflecting on my actions , but those days dissolved - I couldn’t even stay in church for more than 10 minutes. What happened with my faith? Why was it extinguished?

“I am so sorry. Please, have mercy.”
I forgot God. I changed my priorities. Like the pill that was stuck in my throat, I was trapped in my own selfish desires. I focused too much on my pursuit of happiness that I failed to realize that REAL happiness resides on those who have truly surrendered to God.

“I surrender my life to you God.”
I was still trembling wildly and seeing nothingness but I was more than ready to die. After uttering my sincerest prayers, I knew in myself that I have submitted myself willingly to the Lord and a smile was painted on my lips and a tear of sweet goodbye has fallen down.

“I am ready.”
I looked for the light. They say that when you are about to die, you have to look for and follow the light. I couldn’t find it. I turned my head to the direction of the window and at an unexpected time, in the least expected place, in the most unexpected moment of my life, a tiny white feather came twirling and twirling till it landed softly on my palm. Then everything went black. The next thing I knew, I woke up recharged, renewed and cured.  The most amazing things in life tend to happen right at the moment you’re about to give up hope.

“I am still alive.”
I read an article before which states that when you see a feather out of nowhere, it means that your guardian angel is near and God is with you. Yes, baby, I got another sign.

There are signs that remind us of His presence and greatness. They are just there hanging and waiting to be unraveled but we chose to ignore them. Why?

I have asked this same question to those whom I regard as faithful servants of the Lord.

1. We are afraid to face those signs because we can’t accept. We can’t accept because ourselves are imprisoned to wordly things. We are afraid to lose and leave them because we think that these things are the real essence of life.

2. Lack of faith. We confine ourselves with the mentality of being blind and tend to reject His voice. We chose the people around us and pull of the earthly things.

3. Everything is designed by God. It’s your choice if you’re going to ignore or acknowledge the signs. Just remember that all blessings emanated from Him.

4. It is a matter of perspective. The way we see God in our life defines the way we live. If you see someone as a stranger, you will definitely ignore him, about him or anything related to him. The same way when we love someone, we appreciate every little thing about that someone we value.

5. Those are truths not signs. We choose to ignore them because they contradict what we want.

Those answers help me a lot in my journey. Yes, those are not simply signs, rather truths and miracles of our living God and the way we respond to these reflect how we view Him. There had been series of these in my existence , I acknowledged them of course but in the long run, my faith keeps waning. If faith can only be quantified, then it would be measured in negative value. I can read novels in one sitting yet I can’t read a bible verse for months. How shameful!

Mid of this year, I stopped praying and going to the church. But because of the overwhelming miracles , worship songs, inspirational movies and the help of my students who believe in Him, I eventually restored my faith on December 4. I went to another congregation which is the United Christian Outreach Ministries, Inc. aka UCOM in Batac (Thanks Brylle!). Prior to this, I was also invited by most of my friends from various congregations like Jesus is Alive, Foursquare, Mormons, Victory and others but none of them really made me go back. I mean, it was not their fault but mine because like what I said, I had too many questions and my faith is weak. 

So, at the start of the singing worship at UCOM, I felt normal but minutes later, people around me were crying, raising their hands and speaking in another language which I couldn’t really comprehend. It was so loud and I was perplexed it made me wanna walk out. Those were like cries of sorrow and help, I was covering my ears because the sounds seemed reverberating and drilling my soul,  I was about to leave but then I stopped and  told myself “You came all the way here just to give up? Give Him a chance. These won’t hurt you.”

I prayed so hard and asked for patience and for a month now, I’m proud to say that I am still going to that church. I love how the pastor preaches, how the music team makes all songs heartwarming and relatable, how the youth ministry assumes responsibility despite their age and how the people are so kind and hospitable.  Thank you so much UCOM! Thank you God!

In Hebrews 11 : 1-3 Now faith is confidence  in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. This is what the ancients were commended for. By faith we understand that the universe was formed at God’s command , so that what is seen was not made out of what was visible.

I am a work in progress. I hope that this faith I have now won’t be easily snatched. It will take time to exercise it fully but my doors are open for  spiritual growth.

In Mark 11: 24 Therefore I tell you, whatever you ask for in prayer. Believe that you have received it , and it will be yours.

Yes, we have to claim what our heart desires. And in doing so, let us not forget why we’re here on Earth, why we are living this wonderful life- it is all for the glory of God. As much as you want to plan your life, it has a way of surprising you with unexpected things that will make you happier than you originally planned. That’s what you call God’s will. Remember, you are more loved than you will ever know.

And like that tiny white feather which I have not seen the moment I woke up, let us walk with faith and not by sight because the one who has faith needs no explanation . 

Kuwit at Tuldok

Sabi ko Oo

Dahil sinabi mo bumalik ka dahil ako pa rin ang tinitibok ng iyong puso.

Sabi ko Oo

Dahil napanatag ako sa pangakong ako na ang huling babae sa buhay mo.

Sabi ko Oo

Dahil naniwala akong ikaw ang una, huli at tanging mamahalin ko.

Naririnig ko pa ang malulutong mong halakhak

Habang ako’y iyong hinahabol sa dalampasigan

at kasabay ng paglubog ng araw

ay ang pagpihit mo sa aking baywang

 at marahang pagbulong ng mga katagang

“ikaw lamang”

Sariwa pa sa alaala noong gabing inakay mo ako sa gitna ng entablado,

Nanginginig na mga kamay , nag-aalanganing mga paa, nalilitong puso

Ikaw? Magkakagusto sa tulad ko?

Pero gumuho ang dingding ng takot

Sa himig ng malamyos na musika, tinangay ako

Ng iyong mga matitipunong bisig at mapag-angking titig.

Ikaw – ikaw ang aking tagapagligtas.

Ikaw na ang pag-ibig na wagas.

Ikaw ang panaginip na naging katotohanan.

Ikaw ang bahaghari pagkatapos ng ulan.

Ikaw ang alitaptap sa masukal na gubat.

Ikaw ang aking barko sa mabangis na dagat.

Ikaw ang dahilan ng aking saya at tuwa.

Ikaw ang pag-asa, kabiyak ng kaluluwa.

Ikaw ang aking frappe, ice cream at milk tea

Laging hinahanap at minimithi

Ikaw at ako ,

Oo, tayo pa rin gumuho man ang mundo.

Ngunit sa isang iglap ika’y naglaho

Pagpapaalam, wala pala sa iyong bokabularyo

Nag-uunahan ang mga luhang nagmamakaawang bumalik ka

Mahal, tatanggapin ulit kita!

Pero ang tanga ko! Isa lang pala akong salita sa pangungusap mo

Na nilagyan ng kuwit,  dinugtongan ng isang salita, at isa pa.

Marahil nga ay ito na.

Hindi na magbabago, talagang wala ng tayo

Sapagkat ang tuldok ay tuldok –

Ang kuwit ay kuwit-

Ako ay kuwit sa iyo

Ikaw ay tuldok sa akin.

Pero pinapatawad kita, pinapalaya na kita

Maguumpisa ako ulit, nang mag-isa

Gaya ng kuwit, hihinga ako at magpapatuloy

Gaya ng kuwit, pag-asang mahihilom ang sugat ay dadaloy.

Tulad ng tuldok, tatapusin lahat ng pighat’t pait.

Tulad ng tuldok, wawakasin lahat ng sakit.