Like any other drama at night, I am here to agonize your life.
I am again in the position of inflicting pain to myself. I let myself be attached to some people who may or may not stay until the end. I am also annoyed to those people who posts PATAMA in public. Why not to her/him in private so that she/he can learn? I just don't like the idea of ranting and discriminating others publicly especially by professionals.

Let me talk about teaching since it's Monday tomorrow.

I don't want to do it anymore. It's boring and plain. It's being stuck in a deserted road. I only draw my strength from my students who somehow like me - tho I am a bit crazy and bipolar. They got me gifts during the teachers' day and I must say that I was overwhelmed with all their efforts especially that they have made me a princess which is one of my frustrations. Last night, we had an overnight in my student's house. It was fine bonding with them. I want to be with them because they satisfy my social needs and surprisingly, I like it more when I'm with them than with my colleagues. It's as if I'm retrograding, I mean, being silly and fun, careless and too giving. I am planning to stop engaging myself to them but I just can't stop  most especially that we had so many good times. Maybe, some teachers noticed that I am too closed with my students and they started posting that these students have no respect for me anymore. I totally disagree. In our classes, I make it to the point that it's businesslike and friendly. How can they blurt it out like that? I don't have hard feelings for them since from the very beginning, I did not fit in. That's another reason of staying away because I don't belong.

So, if the plan materializes, I only have 5 months left before I leave the country. I can't wait for that. I've been wanting to go ever since and do another job regardless how low it might be. I don't want to take that huge responsibility of teaching the youth because until now, I don't have confidence that i am effective and inspiring. My personality is not even parallel to the right qualities of a teacher.

But with all these years, I must say that I have learned a lot from the profession.
1. Not all teachers are plastics. There are still those whom you can trust.
2. Teachers corrupt.
3. Teachers tell lies.
4. Teachers harass students.

I won't forget those students  whom I spent time with. Those students I have known their lives and heartaches.Those students who have put their trust in me. Those who make me laugh and smile. Those who speak of my beauty and kindness. Those who give pieces of unsolicited advice, Those who ask how are you. Those who come in my class and listen attentively. Those who prioritize english. Those who greet me and carry my things. Those who kiss and hug me. Those who hold my hands. Those who bring me closer to God.

The more than 4 years was pretty long. I endured it. And it's time to let go.