Untangle the Tangles this 2020

This year was all tangled because I started it by filling–in broken (non-refillable) vessels.  It lasted for three more months, but then we decided to  part ways, for real. In the process of moving on, gym became my sanctuary.  I got pretty addicted with working out, and I also started eating healthy. I was getting better, physically and mentally speaking, and I was more focused with the world around me. 

Then, I met someone nice and caring, we dated but turned out, he was my rebound, and to be fair, he had other pressing priorities; I was not on the  list. But it was okay, I was productive at work and even received many certificates of recognition during our year-end program. 

I and my ex met once again. I told myself that maybe, we could start over but after a week, he told me he likes someone else. Afterwards came swirling, engulfing tidal waves of self-loathing and insecurity attacks. Insomnia, anxiety, panic attacks, and headaches became a part of my routine.  Few days later, I almost hit my head on the toilet bowl because of drinking hard. 

It was tough but I managed to crawl towards the light. Gratefully, I was able to continue my workout and through teaching and the kids in school, I was pretty happier, and felt valued. I cut my hair, created a youtube channel, read more books, created goodreads account, wrote more blogs and book reviews, studied and finished my TEFL course, attended Liveloud Concert, visited lots of schools, museums and tourist spots, and most importantly, completed the 9-day simbang gabi with my gym buddies. 

Now, I could say that I am in a better place. I admit I am a handful, bit lunatic (and impulsive) at times, but if I am not this persona, I would not learn at all. I’ve grown a lot for the past 12 months especially when it comes to knowing what I deserve or not. I know how to distinguish the good from the bad, the toxic from the healthy, the permanent from the temporary. I know how to say no and later, who cares and whatever. I know how to say fudge, I messed up but it's not the end of the freaking world. I learned to accept that there are people who must leave in order for you to live. I learned that no matter how broken you are, you are yourself, you made this, you chose this, and you are going to embrace it. At the end of the day, you are the one to decide who you're gonna be. 

2019 was tangled, all right. However, these tangles will only be tangles if you let them trap you forever. I understand, it's a pressure to see others getting engaged, married, giving birth, traveling,  --- these are what we see all over social media, anyways -- but I believe, we all have our unique timelines. Yours is still brewing. And my dear, I can't wait for your turn! I am confident that tomorrow, we will smell the sweet aroma of your success.