Hoy Kupido, pahingi ng pana! Mga one dozen!

May iba’t ibang klase ng tao ngayong araw na ito po.

Una, iyong wrong grammar. Sabi sa akin kanina, “Happy Valentimes!” Try mo kayang imultiply ang utak mo sa pagbabasa ng english books. Meron pa isa, “Happy Valentine Day! At iyong isa pa, “Happy Valentines!”  Kapag di mo alam icorrect ang grammar diyan, alam na. Aral muna kasi bago landi.

Pangalawa, iyong mega post sa fb ng pictures niyang may hawak na bouquet of red roses, chocolate at teddy bear. Binigay daw ni bf eh sa totoo lang, sariling gastos niya iyon. Haha. Pina-LBC pa! Sosyalan mo Inday! Teka, nahugasan mo na ba iyong mga plato?

Pangatlo, iyong mga may amnesia. “Ano’ng araw ba ngayon?”  “Ahh. Valentine’s day ba?”. Muntik nang dandani ko nang nakalimutan” ang peg atweh. Iyon pala, sa loob loob, nag-eexpect na may magsusurprise sa kanya. Sori ka na lang, manhid iyong bet mo ! Hahahahaha! Colombiazoned pa more.

Pang-apat iyong mga nakacouple shirt na best tambay sa street. “She is mine” and “He is mine.” Eh di wow. Lupa ba iyan! San ang titulon! Nasaan??Ilabas mo Kuya!

Panlima, iyong bitter. “Kaway kaway ang mga walang lovelife!” Hindi ako kakaway, may bf kaya ako. Di niya lang alam. Haha. Joke. Ano ba kasi ang problema pag wala kang lovelife sa araw ng mga puso? Pwede ka namang makipagdate sa friends mong mga baliw. Mamasyal kaya tapos best pahearing aid na walang forever sa  mga nagdidate na mga pangit. Wag kang mawalan ng hope te. Iyong pangit nga nagkalovelife, ikaw pa kaya?  Konting waitshiva lang. Darating din siya.

Sixth, the hugot kings and queens. “Ate pabili po ng memory plus para naman maalala niya na may gf pa siya.” “Ate pabili po ng washing machine, iyong walang dryer, para naman hindi matigang ang pagmamahalan namin.” “Alon ka ba?” “Bakit?” “Kasi kung oo, eh di sana , binalikan mo ako.” Push mo iyan. Ilabas mo lahat baka kasi maging tae pag pinipigilan.

Seventh, iyong mga Happy New Year gang. Tandaan po ha, ito ay Valentine’s day hindi Happy Paputok day. Tsk tsk.

Nine minus one, iyong very true at sincere talaga iyong love for another. Iyong bang komportable at masaya sila sa piling ng bawat isa. Kahit hindi ipost sa fb iyong mga sweet photos at travel video nila. Kahit pareho silang lalaki, o parehong babae o  bisexual man or hermaphrodite, tanggap nila kung ano at sino sila. Love knows no gender. Love is acceptance. Love can happen at the least expected time ,at the least expected place with the least expected person. You can never choose who to love for love chooses you. You cannot plan nor control what’s gonna happen. And you cannot teach your heart to love someone either. And if ever you have found that one true love, treasure it, Fight for it. Never let it go. True love only comes one. Bawal ang TOTGA – the one that got away. Nasa iyo na nga, pinakawalan mo pa. Tangengots lungs?

And ninth,  iyong miscellaneous. I’m talking about unrequited love, fallen out of love, still waiting, moving on, afraid to love again, NBSB/NGSB. Ever wondered why nobody falls for you? Ever wondered why it’s been a long time since you fell magically happy upon seeing somebody? Ang sagot diyan, nawalan kasi ng pana si Kupido. On the way pa lang daw iyong stock pero traffic kasi sa EDSA ngayon kaya baka hindi makarating until midnight.Haay, may forever nga sa EDSA.

Kunwari na lang, ready na iyong arrow, handa ka na bang magmahal? Kaya mo na ba ulit masaktan? Kung hindi,  focus ka muna sa studies, career or family. Nandyan din si God where everyday is Valentine’s Day and your everyday valentine gift is the so-called life! Thank you God!

Kung ready ka nang umibig, eh di mabuti! Ang love parang sugal iyan- walang kasiguraduhan kung mananalo ka o matatalo. May isang nagsabi sa akin “It’s better to have loved than not to have loved at all.” Korektus cactus but when we love, we should also use our head. We need at least an itsy bitsy logical, rational side of our head! Do not be afraid to say “game over” when he thinks less of you, when he tells that he’s too busy to be with you! There is no one busy in the world! It’s all about priorities. You will always find time for the things you feel important. Si Barrack Obama, pinakapowerful na tao sa buong earht, sinusundo si Madame Michelle anytime, ikaw pa kaya na president lang ng liga. Haha. Charot.

 Basta, Love is supposed to be healthy and passionate. The best love is the one that makes you a better person without changing you into someone other than yourself.

Uy, Kupido, eh ako kailan ba? Pahingi ng pana! Mga one dozen. Papanahin ko lang si Papa James Reid – sa lahat ng parte ng kanyang katawan para sa akin lang siya. Akin lang iyong leps niya, masskles, pes atbp! Nyahahaha!

Setting Forth

A little-known chapter of my life unfolds in a new home.

In the shadow of an active volcano, the town which I live lazes through a pleasant afternoon. Kids play basketball and from behind doors there is the sound of women singing their favorite songs. No one ever seems to glance the sign of the volcano. Small eruptions have come recently and it is due to blow again. As I drive from village to village around the base of the mountain, through towns that may soon be swept away by flows of hot gas, ruined by lahars, and buried by ash, the familiar response is a shrug. The mountain looks close but is really miles away.I climbed the dark flanks of the volcano and at the summit, steam emerges from between broken stones .I looked at a crack in therock and see a glow. It looks like the volcano's red eye, the implacable glow of its awakening. The red eye never blinks.

People from different villages are often scared of this usual scenario at my house- the volcano. Actually, the volcano serves as a shield of my extraordinary and a billion- worth mansion inside it. If you wanna come inside, you must write a 30-pages report about the Laws of Motion and a 50-pages history of the Philippine Government within 24 hours. If you really happen to finish those,a fire goddess will lead you to the grand entrance-the 3000 steps of the descending staircase. Be scared with the running mummies, laughing elves,crying fetus inside the bottles, talking lizards,bloody daredevils,marching Dracula and the everpowerful ghosts as you walk towards the stairs.The golden door will only open if you will clearly recite a poem or any sonnet by William Shakespeare.

Open sesame,now you can proceed to the first floor. Close your eyes and relax on my huge sofa embedded with pink rose petals. Feel the fragrance of the scented candles on mydiamond table. Listen to the rhythm of a sensational music from my antique radio. Walk like a princess on the pink carpeted floor, take pictures of the various paintings in the gallery, give yourbest pose in the pictorial room, grab all the luckycharms in the accessory chamber and let yourheart upon tasting the sweetest choco marjolane inmy kitchen.Finish sight-seeing? If that's the case hold your breath and be ready on the next level of consequences. Two of my security black ladies are there to see if you'll survive the challenges . First Challenge:Drink the garlic shake, 2nd challenge:Eat alive earthworms and lastly hug tightly the leprosy patient for an hour. If you succeeded, you are very much welcome to the second floor- place of the elements in the universe.The shimmering stars of the ceiling,black and shiny tiled floor, scattered glitters on the thick walls,cold temperature and the cloned aliens as you tour guide. Ride on the spaceships and UFOs, get busy exploring the planets, comets and of course get some souvenirs at the Sun and moon booth.

Not yet enough adventures? Not yet tired? Ok fine, if pleasure is what you like,approach the third floor. There are five disco bars,four movie theaters, three disco bars , two music lounges,one resto and the most famous one- the hot spring. You can stay her if you'll pay a million bucks. Deal or no deal?Before the sun shines, be sure to reach the fourth floor. This will be your last destination on my beloved home. To go to this floor, you must perform a rap that concerns mother nature infront of paranormal entities. Despite of the emptiness of this place, behind is a vault waiting for a good-hearted being. Anyone could try but whoever fails to unlock it will be burned or be eaten by crocodiles or be buried alive. However, if you opened it, a cloud will take you at the peak of the volcano- the EXIT. And this ends your journey...

The most important thing about life reveals that when we encounter such tasks, we will handle them- sometimes with panic, sometimes with courage, sometimes with ugliness but let us survive through with magnificent grace. 

*Unedited essay written year 2006.

I HATE HIM

I HATE HIM! Can I survive through all these problems? Would anyone find and help me for the rest of my life? Is there anyone who is like me,alone and insane? And do I really know what's behind all these questions I am encountering?
I was alone in a deserted island. An island full of mysteries and revelations. Covered with enormous trees, roamed by wild animals,darkened by gigantic leaves, planted with deadly traps and kissed by a devil.I walked, I ran,I jumped and I danced but still I was in the same place. I shouted and I cried but nobody answered or even appeared. I spanked my face then I firmly closed my yes, hoping that everything would turn into normal. I carefully opened my eyes then I blinked twice! 
Oh! Who would think that a man with perfect set of white pearls, tanned complexion, tantalizing eyes, well-chiseled nose and a wavy hair will come to comfort me? I followed him wherever he goes. We crossed the Nile river, we flew above the pyramids of Egypt, we traveled around the Ancient Rome, we stayed for two days at the Hanging Gardens of Babylon and watched the magnificent sunset at St.Peter's Square. At last, nobody would bring me down again. Sure! Because I have my king- a good KING.
After six leap years , we settled in the same deserted island. He asked me to sleep so that he would watch me for the whole night. I look at his expressive eyes then I drifted to sleep. He sang the most beautiful song then he suddenly stopped.I wandered around but there was no sign of him.Oh no! He's gone. Another man left me! They are all the same! I hate them! I hate him!
The stars have faded, the moon have vanished but the sun is still shining. I stood up and was shocked of where I am. I am here at the room of III-SSC-Rutherford holding a pen and a paper. I can't control myself going infront and passing it to our teacher. But one thing is for sure, my lollipop's sweet lemon flavor has turned to a bitter one. No one will see me again, I SWEAR!!!

This piece was written October 30, 2006 when I was in 3rd year high school. Fortunately, there are only minimal grammatical flaws. I remember being so resistant ,  atheistic and bitter. Am I still the same? 

How to Let Go

It’s the time of year when the weather’s too bleak, and my temperature’s too high and when this inversely proportional phenomenon happens, I couldn’t control my emotions. I am overpowered with the intense desire to massacre my rationality and just to feel every pain, condemnation, prejudice and emptiness.

A week ago, I was invited as a resource speaker for a spiritual retreat in Rogate Oasis. How funny that someone like me would be talking about something that’s so surreal. My friend reiterated that I was the perfect person for the topic but I guess there are more people who are more experienced, skilled and at least , normal. I am but a crazy never-you-mind entity who does not wear a plastic mask to please presidents and befriend synthetic-covered Homo Erectus, and besides, my self-declared charm and appeal is no way tempting for someone to lift me up. Forget that. Blabbing again. Sorry.

Anyway,   I could not find the couage to back out because I had nowhere to go on a boring weekend and second, I wanted to meet new faces , so there you have it I discussed  HOW TO LET GO.

It’s easy to let go. I have presented a 5-STEP LETTING GO PLAN titled ARNEL which is actually name of my friend who organized the retreat and he was not at all happy about it.  He hates being used as an example but I guess learning’s permanent if you connect it with someone who is closer to their hearts. ARNEL is basically an acronym for Accept the truth, Renew yourself through physical activities, Nurture within, Express through creative outlets and Love.

Those were tried and tested by yours truly and frequently, I apply this to my heart problems. I have been broken to the 20^th power and I let myself get broken because only pain could make me feel alive. Without the pain, I would not be who and what I am right now. To tell you honestly, I am demigod of Masochism. Even though I know how much it will hurt me sooner, still, I will jump into it because it’s exhilarating, it’s like bungee jumping without harness. You’re all aware that you’re falling with no one to catch you but you enjoy the fall because it’s unstoppable... you are free…you are surrendering yourself completely. It’s funny how you can feel everything because of a man and how your mind becomes so clouded with hopes of being with him though signs are telling you otherwise.

Guys I’ve been acquainted with range from cowards to egocentrics to certified jerks. Some left me hanging because they cannot balance their career and love life or they found someone prettier and liberated. Some were just taking advantage, some used me as display, some wanted revenge, some were experimenting and some were suffering from identity crisis and the only way to figure out their elusive gender is through me. But don’t get the wrong idea, I only had one boyfriend, the rest were pure M.U. So how the mother fudge earth did I forgive them? Easy question. I used my plan. After every heartache, I process all emotions by writing a letter although I don’t send it. I listen to breakup songs and let my tears drown the pillow. I watch tragedies, horror, melodrama until I could breathe again and return to my old self. That’s acceptance.  Accept that it’s over. He won’t come back. And when he comes back, show your sweetest smile and say “How are you?” Let us be kind to animals.

At first, it was because of revenge. I wanted to show them that it is their loss that’s why I started my fitness program. I did everything to be sexier – 2 hours in the gym every MWF evening, 1 hour 30 minutes jogging and zumba every TTh afternoon, biking, jumping rope, hula hoop, boxing, ab and squat challenge on weekends. I followed the Bikini Body Guide of Kayla Itsines and I was able to execute push-ups, planking, lunges,mountain climbers, commandos, barbell close squats, weighted burpees etc. which I was not able to do before. I could do all those despite my profession’s demands because I was fueled by my sweet revenge. I will make them regret what they did , make them fall hard for me and leave them hanging. They have to learn their lesson, no more no less. However, as months passed by, I’ve come to realize that I was not doing this for them anymore. I was in fact empowering myself. I was preparing myself for harder battles because I know that God only gives the hard ones to the strong soldiers. I could not believe it. My self-confidence escalated and I was healed physically. And  before I knew it,  I was renewed.

I started treating myself better. Every month, I reward myself by going to the spa and traveling. I have gone to many places without any company and in the ‘I’ moments, I’ve been relaxed and independent. I have time to reflect on my decision and more importantly, I had a time to converse with God. Despite all my stupid mistakes, He can hear me out and accept me. He is there directing me towards the light and in return, I started loving others too without expecting it to be given back. God loved me when I could not love Him so why wouldn’t I do the same? Nurture within. Train yourself to be happy when alone and love your imperfections.

Expression is indispensable especially for me who has a short term memory and short attention span. I easily get bored and that’s why I venture into series of recreation to express my diversified personality and abet my mind dilemmas. Painting on different types of canvas, blogging academic and personal stuffs, cooking, applying makeup to my model wannabees, photography and DIY outfits and accessories  are just some of my playtime stuffs. What can we get from recreation? We do not just explore and improve  our talents, we are also creating memories that we will carry until we die. We can go over and over to the products of imagination, we can sell our ideas, we can make people connect with us and create beauty that will inspire mankind. Express yourself. Be creative. No one can stop you. Imagination is free and limitless.

Love. A concept that is overrated. There was one time when a friend exclaimed that I have no credibility to talk about love. That was very discriminating! To say that I am not credible is a big slap on my face. I know about hurt, waiting, breaking apart and moving on. I have been through those so how would I know about hurt when I did not love? Why would I bother to wait if he’s not worth waiting for? How did I move on if myself was not stuck during the process of loving?

Love. We are all experts - the only difference lies in the level of giving and receiving it. If you do not love something or someone, ask yourself, what are you freaking doing with your life? Love and love some more. Do not be selfish. Love your studies, God, family, pet, nature, teachers, job etc.  Love is contagious. Spread love and endure its many distress and splendors. But first, love yourself.  Take note, I LOVE YOU starts with I.

As I end this outburst, let me just say that I feel so much better now. Thank you weather.

This was written on Februay 6, 2016 at PTAA Building Room 13 while I was serving as a room examiner for NAT dry run. Thank you to the Grade 10 students for being quiet while taking the test and to my old friend for texting me to ease my boredom ( I can’t write when I am not doing other things. Multitasking syndrome attacks!) Gotta go. Sandwich’s waiting.