PSYCHELOHOMORA: moving on

This is the last time I am going to write about love.

Love always fascinated me at a young age. I would always visualize myself meeting love under the pouring rain or in a bookstore, his head buried in a Harry Potter series. I wanted love to dress in his unbuttoned white long sleeves, wearing that playful smile with perfectly-aligned, pearly teeth. His eyes - blue and sparkling, his lips – pink and soft, his fragrance, new and fresh like spring. He ought to be good- looking, tall, smart, conversationalist, adventurous, financially stable, and family-oriented.

With all these self-constructed standards, I remained single for 27 years. I was happy, though. Then, I dated enough to realize that the thrill wears off when a man does not challenge me.

Romantic movies with complicated plot and tragic endings arouse my interest; star-crossed lovers, characters dying at the end, that’s my thing. And maybe, that 'challenging' mindset and this 'complicated' interest brought me to where I was months ago. Love ticked off most of the standards I’ve set and I thought , he was the one.

I learned that love is blissfully painful. There is pain in being happy and happiness in being hurt.

Love is a verb - it kisses, hugs, dances and inspires. Love does not focus on his past. It accepts and sacrifices. Love exposes you to an unraveled dimension. Love reinforces you to do it for the sake of love. But love also lies, accuses, denies, leaves, returns, ghosts, stops, and shatters. Love overlooks the red flags that are right there waving and begging for your attention. Love doubts, disappoints, abandons, manipulates, neglect, scars and empties you.

Love holds on, forgives, accepts again, and tries again. Love tries again but fails. It can fail because of cultural differences, personality combats, family disapproval, religious beliefs, values, and upbringing. No matter how great your love is for one another, it will never be enough to keep the flames alive.

But it does not mean that when love fails, you have failed to love. Love might be the verb but you are still your own subject. You are the DOER.

DO grieve. Do cry. Do self-pity. Do ask what went wrong this time. Do self-blame. You have to admit that you had your share of the plate because the signs had been there all along but your head was full of these rainbow illusions that he would change for you. Burst these fantasy balloons and witness the story from the outside.

Now you ask yourself, why do you attract people who are toxic and/or emotionally unavailable? Why does this pattern keep on repeating? Simple, we attract who and what we are. The level of value we see in ourselves is the same level that the people we attract tend to have.

YES, just do and go through the stages of breaking up. But after that, DO help yourself to heal and stand again. It is not easy to do but it can be done. Let go of things that are not serving you. Breaking up does not mean that you force yourself to forget and unlove him. Moving on is a slow process but when you really do it and accept that you can never be together again, that's beautiful. This is for the both of you. Sanity and health are at stake.

Be happy for him. Be happy for them. Be happy for yourself and for the happier things coming your way. Have the drive to understand yourself more and reach your goals. Use logic that someone worthy exists. And if there are times that you cannot comprehend what is unfolding right now, trust the process. Circumstances are realigning for the higher good. Be happy that you have embraced love. You may look back but do not regret. You have loved and you were loved. You will love and be loved again. And that's all that matters.